Sunday, September 2, 2007

I cried

endless tears for hours on end last night. Scrap-a-Latte posted the monthly blog challenge "if you could go back and change one thing in your life what would it be?" My first thought was oh that is health, I would be pain free, healthy, normal! But then I started thinking back on my life and thought of my brother. He passed away 3, 4?? who knows maybe even 5 years ago..I am still in denial.
He was laughter:
No matter what when wrong (and plenty of things in his life did go just that way) he found a way to laugh. No matter how sad or what the problem was he found a way. Being the only boy with 5 sister one of the big things was who is your favorite..he was my FAVORITE brother (my sisters told him the same thing) I can remember the giggling and him saying but I am your ONLY one, true but man he was awesome! I can still hear his laughter.
He was love:
simply purely just love
He was strength:
I remember he had a really bad accident-he had stopped to help someone fix a car when another vehicle rear-ended one crushing him in-between the two. When he got out of the hospital we went to grandma's house (Momma was going to need help with him) The bedroom had two beds and he was to sleep in one and us in the other (I don't know but I imagine at least one or two of my older sisters were there, too) I was so worried and scared I wanted to sleep with him!!?? Momma said no that I would hurt him and I remember him telling her to let me sleep with him..that I needed to know he was going to be OK. That is exactly what I needed a scared little girl needing warmth, courage, and love from a big brother and even through the pain he gave me that..such strength.
He died alone in a hospital bed while those who loved him filled a waiting room. Why was we all out there? I so wish I had been with him to hold his hand, to offer comfort, give him strength. I cry and think so sad he was all alone but a little voice tells me never alone we are never alone......
I miss him dearly so I guess the one thing I would change would be his death, he would still be here.


AliciainAsheville said...

Joy that is so sad! I know how you feel cause I feel the same way about my grandma! They are really better off than we are and they are still with us! I know it is harder but really it has made you stronger! Hugs to you!!

Carla said...

Ah, I am sorry my question made you sad, but what a nice memory you have of your brother. God Bless you!

Theresa Tyree said...

{{{HUGS}}} to you joy. I'm just like you when it comes to dealing with my Dad's passing. I don't even know the day it was. I am still in denial. They say it gets better as each day goes by but it doesn't. It just gets different, but I wouldn't say better. The pain and ache of him not being here is as real today as it was almost 5 years ago when he left. I understand.

Valerie said...

I'm sorry Joy, I can tell he was an amazing person just from the love that pours from your words about him.

HLHBC said...

Joy, I am glad you had his love and joy in your life. Clearly, as painful as the loss of him in your life, he was a wonderful person.

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